Firm ball, soft crack, oh just suck it.

That got your attention.  You thought I was being randy?  

I don't always have a junior high sense of humor

(ok I do)

I was making my family's famous caramels last night,

in an effort to repay the kindness shown to me this year. 

(like this and this)

If you've ever made candy you know the difference between firm ball (chewy caramels)
and soft crack (more like toffee) is a few degrees.
Apparently my thermometer needs calibrating.
I cooked them to the exact right temperature.
Swear I did Grandma.

But when I tried to cut them, I broke the knife.
And shattered some caramels.

When there was actual bloodshed,
I gave up.

I wrapped a few anyway and set them out. 

(Don't worry I threw the bloody ones away)

When you stir something for 90 minutes 

you don't want to give up on it.

So suck on these, biting them could result in 

thousands of dollars of dental work.

 Enjoy your cards friends, you won't be getting any caramels.

But do come over and have something from the bar.

ps. even though I do this for a living, there is nary a 

band-aid in my house.

dumb.