i read your journal...and i am so sorry. that sounds dumb. but i am. i really really am. i can feel your sadness and i get it. what you are experiencing is what i dream about. it keeps me up at night. i am on the verge of it myself. all i can tell you is be strong. just be strong. don't give up. suffering is good if we respect it.
Things will get better. One hour at a time, then one day, then one week...You will get through it. When I felt like my 7 year old was leaving me you said, 'he will be back', and he is, most days. Yours will be too.
Tell me what I can do for you.
All you can do is all you can do. Forgive yourself. (Actually, that's good advice for me too.) It doesn't matter what anyone thinks right now. I'm sending all my love to you.
For what it's worth- I was once about to be divorced with a seven year old and I worried about losing my house, my dogs and all my comforts too. One night while having a cigarette on the front porch cuz I was too scared to sleep, I realized that no matter what was taken from me, NOBODY could take "ME" away. No matter what happened I was in control of that. I could be the same great Mom, have the same great taste and be the person I had always been. A tad damaged, but the same me. If I had to move from our house, I COULD find a really great place that would take dogs. I would make that our home and fill it with friends, flowers and LOVE and we would be o.k. The divorced happened, I stayed strong, I fought for my house and my child tested our situation ALL THE TIME. I kept things as normal as possible, didn't change our rules or boundaries and said to my small, hurting child daily that this was a rough time, that he was loved beyond belief and that this was no time to turn on each other but to be sensitive to each others feelings, give each other a break and move forward as a team of LOVE. We got through it. Took the high road as much as I could and life became wonderful again after a little time. It's o.k. to be sad. In fact, do it often. But PLEASE also remember who you ARE, WERE and want to BE again. Don't let a shitty marriage steal everything and don't beat yourself up. Do you realize how brave and adventurous you are being? It takes more balls to take this tough road than sit on the sidelines and accept something you don't want. Hugs :)
thanks for all your nice comments they really do help
I wonder if your children's father doesn't feel the same way you do? It's very easy to be selfish during a divorce, especially if you have children. But always remember, they are his children too. He loves them just as much as you do and he misses them when they are not with him, just like you do. I've been through divorce, twice. Once with a child. We did and do everything we can to make sure our son knows everyday we BOTH love him. There is conflict but when it comes to time spent with dad, since he doesn't have equal time, I make sure he gets what he wants. Fighting about the time your children spend with their father will be damaging to them. Just because you don't love him anymore doesn't mean they don't.
Dear Anon:They love him and he loves them, and he should be a huge and influential part of their lives. But I believe strongly that children are not like a book collection that should be divided 50-50. Packing up their stuff day after day is no way to live. I want him to see them all the time, but to let them sleep in their beds in the home they grew up in. That's all.
Be careful Appletree,Treating the father of your children like a babysitter does not faciliate a collaborative parenting plan. Your children have two homes now. That's the reality of your situation now. Time to embrace it and move forward with working as a team, not opponents. There are ways to avoid the constant back and forth...and that's less jumping from house to house. three days at your house, four days at dads and vice versa. It may not be ideal for you but your children will thank you later for fostering their relationship with their father.
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That IKEA hasselnot inspiration is my fav. hugs~ Herman Swan